[Dating Papers]

So I took the plunge. I signed up, I met someone and I want my $35 back.

I was really skeptical about this whole adventure from the get-go and

I should’ve gone with my gut.

The guy I met seemed very cool (don’t they all?), we had a lot in

common and overall, he didn’t misrepresent himself… except for the

profile portion where it says “looking for”. Instead of “a date”, he

should have specified “someone to commiserate with me over my recent

and devastating break-up”. Fun times, right?

I think I learned more about “Lizzie” on our first date than I did

about him. Being the sensitive (some could say ’stupid’) person I am,

I sympathized, changed the subject and went on a second date. In

between, all our phone conversations may as well have been three-way

calling because Lizzie was alive and well during every single one.

For example: I ask, “Have you read the DaVinci Code?” He responds, “I

listened to it on tape when Lizzie and I were on a bus one time.” I’m

still wondering how that comment is relevant. Never mind the fact that

he was very open in sharing the 100 some-odd photos he had of Lizzie

stored on his computer incase I wanted to get a clear mental picture

for further reference. Lizzie’s birthday, Lizzie’s Halloween costume,

Lizzie picking apples. Lizzie also had music playlists dedicated to

her demise. My personal favorite? “Missing Lizzie”.

Oh wait, there’s more. On our next date, when the waitress offered me

something chocolate for dessert, I casually commented that I didn’t

like chocolate and he quickly interjected that Lizzie absolutely loved

chocolate. How does one respond to that?

Here’s how … suspend membership.