[Dating Papers]

I spotted this amusing advice in an online dating magazine recently. See if you recognise anybody!

The Mamma’s Boy
He probably lives with his mother, or if not, then he lives close enough for her to visit frequently (i.e. every night). She will have helped him decorate his flat and there will be photos of her all over his walls. He goes ‘home’ for Sunday dinner and keeps several tupperware containers of homemade meals in the fridge or freezer that she made for him.
Why you should stay away: You will never live up to his mother and although he will love and cherish you forever he will take his mother’s side every time.
How to get rid of him: Tell him you don’t like his mother.

The Body Builder
He will have photos of himself on every available space, along with his own home gym (even though he has life membership at the trendy one in town). He has all the latest gadgets and home entertainment systems and a lovely even all-over tan…. even in February!
Why you should stay away: You will never see him as he is always down at the gym. He will spend more time in the bathroom than with you. He collects trophies and likes one hanging off his arm.
How to get rid of him: Tell him he must choose between you and the gym.

The Womanizer
He will treat you like a princess and likes to think he is the perfect lover. He dresses well and everything he does is calculated to impress you …unfortunately he tries to impress every other woman he comes in to contact with too! He will either have trouble remembering your name, or will call you by somebody else’s!
Why you should stay away: His lame excuses for not showing up will gradually wear you down. You will have to compete with his phone as he has so many calls to return and text messages to answer.
How to get rid of him: Tell him, “I used to be a man.”

The Workaholic
He is definitely going places, but will he be taking you with him? Always smartly dressed, he has great taste and likes to be seen eating at the finest restaurants. However, his work will always come first and you will constantly feel let down.
Why you should stay away: You have to make an appointment to see him. He will take you to elegant dinner parties then leave you with strangers while he talks shop.
How to get rid of him: Say to him, “I’m taking a year off to travel. Do you want to come?”