[Dating Papers]

Some of you may have wondered what happened to me. I’m still here… I just needed to take a break from the blog. It isn’t that ‘nothing’ has been happening in my dating life. There is still plenty of drama on a weekly basis (and I promise that eventually I will catch you up).





My reasons for taking a break from my blog are two-fold. 1. On a professional level, I have been searching for a new job and it has consumed much of my spare time. 2. On a personal level, I felt like my blog had taken on a life of its own. I didn’t want the blog (or my established rules for writing about my dates) to dictate my dating life.




I’m going to slowly ease back into this… wish me luck!

I emailed with a guy for a while before we met. He had told me he was

a lawyer and a writer. Turns out he was an ambulance chaser and his

book was about “containers” - talking very slowwwwlly he told me

“everything is a container. a box is a container, a room is a

container, the world is a container, the solar system is a container.”

I couldn’t wait to leave. He later sent me an email saying “I couldn’t

figure out why you were more attractive than I expected you to be. I

went back and looked at your profile. You are holding your violin

against your stomach and for a paranoid man like me, that means you

are probably concealing a fat belly. Since you actually aren’t, you

should change your picture.”

Ok, I got one for you:




The first girl I spoke to on the phone from Jdate

sounded interesting, but maybe a little too frum for

me…she was hippidox, and I can roll with a little

hippie Carlebach scene every now and again, so I was

trying to keep an open mind. “Trying to keep an open

mind” will become a frequent refrain in this story.

So she calls me, and we make chit chat, and after a

few minutes, she, being more seasoned in jdate

etiquitte or lack thereof, cuts the talk off and says:

“look. I don’t want to waste our time here. I want

you to know that, as of three weeks ago, I am now

shomer n’gia.”




Oh. ok. I’m a little taken aback, but, again,

*trying to keep an open mind*, and not wanting to

think that I would let mere physicality get in the way

of a potential meeting of the minds and souls–

remember, at this is my very first jdate experience.

I am a jdate virgin, if you will. So she says, “do

you know what that means?” and I say, yes, yes, and

then, taking a clue from Marshall McLuhan, whose

approach was always to “study the effects,” I say,

“and, how IS that for you?” which is the only thing I

can think of saying. And she says, oh great, it’s SO

great– Which makes me wonder, a little, whether this

woman really liked touch much in the first place. So

she’s trying to determine whether this no-contact

dating is a make or break issue for me, and mind you,

I go to shul twice a year, if that. I’m pretty

exuberantly secular, sensual, and hedonistic. So I

say, “well, I am definitely not shomer n’gia,” which

is a little like saying the Pope is definitely not

Jewish. Shomer n’gia? I’m all about the gia. Give

me some gia, I say! How about, “Show me the gia.”

Ok. Yeah! So anyway, there we were, me and the

hippidox chick, and few beats after she hits me with

this shomer n’gia bombshell she says, “oh, and my

picture…” and already I know this gonna be good,

like really good. She says, “my picture is pretty

recent…” and I’m waiting, and I’m waiting.. “but a

week ago…” uh-huh? “…I shaved my head.”




And I just lost it. I laughed so hard. I laughed and

laughed and laughed. Right there, right then, on the

phone. But I wasn’t laughing AT her, mind you. It

was just such a perfectly absurd jewish dating

moment. I mean, wow. Somehow, not touching a woman

who is on a spiritual quest, okay, I was trying to

keep an open mind. But not touching a woman who is

also baldheaded and wearing a wig? And not sexy bald,

not bald like the two sex warrior dykes practicing

cunning linguistics on the safe sex poster in the

communal showerroom of my college dorm, not sexy

shinehead o’conner bald, but the kind of bald that

means you’re on a whole different trip. As Sarah

Silverman would say: “yoidel doidel doidel.” In a

desperate attempt to connect, I told her that I used

to have a shaved head. “That’s one thing we have in

common.” Then we talked about how good it feels to

ride a bike with a shaved head, or to take a shower.

Then I giggled some more, and then we said goodbye.




So I guess it’s not really a bad jdate story at all.







Hope this helps for your site. I might post it on

mines as well.




keep the faith. (?)




J–