[Dating Papers]

I’m off to New Jersey today as soon as court ends. Dad seems discomfited that I will arrive after sundown. Since when did he become religious? I’m annoyed that he’s not more appreciative of the efforts I’ve made to be there. I have to accept that he won’t be more grateful…but it’s not easy. I will try and focus on the absurd aspects rather than the annoying ones.

In an unexpected turn of events, Kansas is feeding Tabitha the cat while I’m gone. Usually, this is TR’s job, but he’s going to be out of town too–and so is Pele. I tapped Kansas and he reluctantly agreed. You think he’d be happy to do me a solid…but it screws with the routine, so he doesn’t like it. Oh well. She needs to be fed and played with and he will do it. Good enough.

I won’t be in touch while I’m gone. I’m making a choice not to bring the computer or camera. I will have the ipod, cell phone and knitting, though. Mostly, it’s a hassle to bring the computer to the courthouse. I also thought it might be a nice break. I’ll have a notebook and I’m sure I’ll be writing, but I’m going to focus on the family, reading and, possibly, relaxing. Not that I’ve ever found spending time with my family relaxing before, but there’s a first time for everything, right?

Enjoy the lovely DC Spring, have a great Passover if you’re celebrating, and I’ll talk to you next week.

Grateful for: the absurd

Monday night, I was sitting in front of the tv, in my pjs, knitting. I’m always knitting these days. It was about 9:30pm and I heard a strange noise coming from my front window. I got up and peeked out. I heard the noise again, looked down, and there was Kansas, standing in my front yard. He needs to learn to use the doorbell. He would have called…but he didn’t have my number (see below).

I probably shouldn’t have let him in, since we’re on the road to Nowhere, via Ambivalentville, but that didn’t stop me. Not to mention I hadn’t heard a peep from him in five days. He was out of town for the last three, so the silence wasn’t astonishing.

We sat on the couch–not next to each other. I didn’t keep knitting, though (sometimes I do). He told me he just got back that day and wanted to see me. His phone was broken (that I knew) so he didn’t call.

I found I was smiling. I’m a sucker for the, “I was out of town and the first person I wanted to see was you” line. He said it. I ate it up.

As he talked, told me about his trip (a fool’s errand, but not my story to tell). I realized I was happy to see him. That surprised me. I thought we were winding down. I thought he was done. It was for the best. I can manage not to pursue things but it’s much harder for me to ignore his overtures.

But there he was, making those overtures again, and I responded.

He left before midnight and I even had a decent night’s sleep. I was happy to see him but who knows when I’ll see him again. I don’t like that–everything is on his terms, when HE has time to see me, when HE feels like calling. He told me again that he was a coward and I believe him.

Still, I was happy to see him. I guess I’ll do what makes me happy. It sounds easy, doesn’t it?

Note: you may wonder why I’ve broken radio silence on this topic. Mom isn’t reading the blog anymore! We finally came to resolution and she accepted that I don’t like her to read. She’s respecting my wishes, irrational though they may be. I’m emailing her the “mom-safe” items and I can be a little more open in other areas. Very good news indeed.

Grateful for: boundaries.

Riding to rowing practice yesterday…my first practice of the season…I had a bike accident. I really have bad luck biking to practice. Last year, I was rear ended, and now, knocked down by a careless woman opening her car door.

I was riding down a busy street. There was about half of lane between the flow of traffic and the cars parked on the street. I put myself in the middle of this space and kept alert for cars turning right AND potential opening doors. The opening doors are tricky because you can’t always tell if someone is in the car. If I see someone in the car, I’ll give it a wider berth. I couldn’t move completely out of car door range without getting too close to the moving cars. I stayed a little closer to the parked cars than the moving cars.

I approached a navy blue sedan and I detected some movement. I rang my bell and steered to the left. She swung the door open fully and quickly…and clipped me on the right side, right as I was passing, knocking me down on the pavement.

What I’ll never be able to explain is how I refrained from swearing at her. Instead, I yelled, “What are you doing?!?! YOU HAVE TO LOOK BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR DOOR!!!!” I was still on the ground.

She stood before me, looking stunned, and said, “No I don’t.” She was in her mid-thirties, possibly younger.

I started to get up, checking that I wasn’t seriously injured. I shouted, “What!!! Yes you do! You have to look! You have to check for bikes!” I was angry.

“I never have before! Are you ok?”

I said, “You don’t get to know.”

I quickly scanned the bike to make sure I could ride it. I hopped back on and rode to practice, swearing at her under my breath. “You don’t have to look!? Fuck you!”

People are crazy.

The good news is the bike was completely undamaged. I, however, sustained some minor bruises on my knee and ankle. Not, I realized later, from the fall, but from the force of my collision with the door. The bruises are on my right leg, but I fell to my left. I have one bruise on my left hip from the fall. Overall, though, I’m fine.

Sadly, I’ve learned little from this encounter. I already knew to check for doors. Hopefully, this crazy woman will now know to check for bikes.

Grateful for: coming through relatively unscathed.

During the jury selection process, we were all given a chance to tell the judge, privately, if there was a reason we couldn’t serve for the full six weeks. Since Passover falls right in the middle of that time, I could used it as an excuse–or at least attempted it. I could have told the judge I needed to take a few days off and go to New Jersey to see my family who would be visiting from Israel.

I didn’t.

I thought about it, but it’s not a religious reason. I’m not very religious. The family coming from Israel is more of a reason, but even if I missed Passover, I could still go up to New Jersey for a weekend. Or, if I felt extremely guilty, two weekends.

I didn’t think Passover was a good excuse, so I didn’t make it. And, I guess, I wanted to be on the jury. Would I have picked a one-, two- or even three-week case over one that might last six? Hell yes. But was I curious to see what this six-week case was all about? You bet I was. I’ve always wanted to be on a trial and I wanted to take the chance.

Did my desire to serve trump my desire to go to New Jersey for Passover? I suppose so. I know I didn’t really want to go to New Jersey and I did want to get on the jury. Huh. I’ve been convincing myself that I didn’t have a choice. Maybe I did–maybe I didn’t, but I didn’t try very hard to get out of it.

However, all is not lost. Last week, the judge told us (the jurors) that we would get off for Good Friday and Easter Monday. I said, “What about Passover?” The judge asked me when Passover was and said he’d get back to us. He added, “We may take Passover Monday, but not take Good Friday–and still take Easter. One of the lawyers was asking for Passover too.” A Jewish lawyer? What are the odds.

A couple of days later, the clerk asked to speak to me alone during our morning break. He wanted the details about Passover. I neglected to mention the Israel portion of the dilemma, but I explained that I had to travel to New Jersey. I should have mentioned the Israelis. It’s not going to get me kicked off the jury and it would have increased the odds of making the trip. Not sure why I didn’t tell. Nerves, I guess. And, trying not to inconvenience everyone. Because if I get Monday for Passover, we may lose Good Friday.

On Monday, there was a good bit of discussion amongst the jurors about which days we would get off. And I almost got into a fight with Confused Juror #1 (CJ1) about it. I was asked if I was getting Passover off. I said I didn’t know yet. CJ1 said, “Would we still get Good Friday off?”

I repeated what the judge told us earlier, that we probably wouldn’t get Good Friday, but we would get Easter Monday. A couple of the other jurors confirmed this. CJ1 said, “Oh, but Good Friday is more important.”

I said, “If it’s important to you, you should tell the judge.”

There was general conversation about the significance of Good Friday, the need to attend church, etc. And one of the more savvy, older jurors said, “Don’t worry. Good Friday isn’t important.”

CJ1 came up to me and said, “Well! I don’t think Passover is important!”

I was infuriated. I said, “It IS important. My family is coming from Israel and they’ll be in New Jersey and they want me to come.” Not to mention that Passover is a very important holiday for religious Jews and a relatively important holiday for me.

“Don’t get riled! You just said Good Friday isn’t important.”

I said, “No, I did not. Absolutely not. I said, ‘If Good Friday is important to you, you should tell the judge.’”

“It is important if your family is coming from Israel.”

Gee, thanks for that, CJ1.

In the end, it all worked out. I got the time I needed for a short trip to New Jersey AND we’re getting Good Friday and half of Easter Monday off. Everyone wins. And CJ1 continues to annoy.

Grateful for: a good judge.

I learned how to take notes from my history professor. When I started in the Early Entrance Program, one of my biggest fears was not being able to take notes. Of course, I’d taken notes in junior high, but I thought that taking notes in college would be different and more important. And I suppose that’s true. Also, maybe, it was a containable worry–something to focus on rather than the whole “I’m practically in college at age 14″ thing.

The note taking method our history professor taught was to fold the paper not quite in half, length wise, put headings/asides on the left and the main body of the notes on the right. I put my notes in those paper binders with the metal prongs. I still have all my notes from history class. All through college and graduate school, I took notes this way. It worked. When I found it, I’d buy notepaper with the rule in the middle, but otherwise I drew a line down the page or made the fold.

I always thought this was called “legal rule” because that’s what my history prof called it. I never really thought about why, though–why it would be handy for lawyers to use this style of paper.

I figured it out the first time a witness was questioned. On one side, you write what the attorney is saying. On the other side, you write what the witness is saying. Easy peasy!

I looked for some of this specially lined paper on the internet and it turns out it’s called “litigation rule.” I get it now!

Grateful for: note taking skills.

When I feel this way, I want say, “I shouldn’t complain.” I’m lucky to have my problems. Jury duty is hard. I’m loving it, but I feel drained at the end of the day. I don’t have close to enough time to take care of everything.

This weekend, there were a variety of things I meant to do: help take out the boats for rowing, cook the meal I bought the ingredients for last weekend, finish knitting the baby blanket (an impossibility), laundry, vacuuming, relaxing…etc.

Saturday, I woke up late and made the decision not to go to the boathouse. I felt guilty, but I could barely move. I thought, “I going to stay home and knit all day and try to finish the blanket.” I’d done a lot of work on it the night before and estimated it would take eighteen more hours to finish. Eighteen! What did I get myself into? It’s almost an impossibility to get it done before I go to New Jersey…but still, I set that deadline and I want to meet it.

I made some breakfast and got to knitting. It was slow but I made progress. Then I thought, do I really have to sit here all day and knit? No movies? No coffee, reading or writing? It seemed crazy and I decided I’d go to the movies. I haven’t been for weeks. Weeks! That’s almost as nuts as needing 18 (more) hours to knit a baby blanket.

I went off to the movies and called Pele on the way. While we chatted, I realized that the blanket deadline was a fiction. I could let myself off the hook–I didn’t need to spend every free moment knitting. That helped. I don’t want to pay to ship the blanket to Israel, but if that’s what I have to do, it’s not a disaster. First problem solved.

Saturday night, I met some folks for a birthday drink and I was glad I dragged myself out of the house. There’s something about the knitting and the almost-but-not-quite dating someone that brings out my hermit tendencies. Warm weather plus rowing will resolve that, but jury duty doesn’t help. I need a fair amount of down time, and the slow pace of my regular job provides that–leaving me with sufficient energy for weeknight outings. But with jury duty it feels like I’m “on” all day, and coming home to knitting and the tv is a great way to unwind.

Today was a relaxed day. I got up and did laundry (check), cleaned the bathroom (check), had a bowl of cereal and did a little knitting. I went out for coffee (check) and read (check). Back home, more knitting, while watching a dvd. And, finally, I met Pele to watch the Carolina game. Yes, I’m a little sad about the loss. But my mood? It’s good, very good.

I was talking to a random guy on the phone today and I told him I was knitting. He said, “You’re knitting right now?”

“Yes.”

He said, “Do you have a cat?”

“Yes. And I’m carrying around a purseful of hard candy. I’m officially a crazy old lady.” I explained that the hard candy was to help keep me focused (via chewing) at jury duty. But you know what? I liked describing myself as a cat-owning, knitting kook. Who gives a fuck? It was liberating to embrace that stereotype. I know why I have a cat and I know why I like to knit. That’s not all of me, but it’s not embarrassing either. I had to laugh.

Now it’s time to kick back with some knitting, the tv and some good rest before another day of doing my civic duty.

Grateful for: taking it easy.

Day two was much, much better. No more speeches. That helped for sure. I also drank coffee in the morning instead of tea. Coffee packs more of a caffeine punch. I also ran over to my office during the lunch break–which counted as a brisk walk. That was a good idea. Yesterday, I ate a relatively heavy lunch. Today, I ate a relatively light lunch and I brought snacks: dried fruit, nuts, an apple and a small piece of cheese. I also brought hard candy into the courtroom. I unwrapped a piece whenever it wouldn’t cause a disturbance. Also, I took notes like crazy.

I should explain about the notes. Some judges let you take notes, others don’t. This judge does, but you can’t take them home and after the trial they will be destroyed. So, no writing blog posts “on the job.” Not that I don’t have some good stories.

For example, there are some confused people on my jury. Confused juror #1 (CJ1) remarked to me today, “Isn’t it funny that this jury doesn’t have any alternates?” Well, on the day of jury selection, the judge explained to us that there were no alternates. All 12 of us would have a vote, but only six jurors were required, thus there is no need for alternates. I explained this to CJ1, who then said, “Jamy, how do you know this?”

I said, “The judge told us. He explained it.”

“Really? When? Was I there?” Heh.

Then CJ1 asked, “Are they going to give us a list of all the names of the people in the case?” To be fair, it’s a complicated case and such a list would be helpful.

I said, “No.”

“Really, are you sure?”

“They’re just going to give us copies of the exhibits. That’s it.”

CJ1 said, “How do you know all this? Have you been on a trial before?”

I said, “No.” You know how I knew the answer to the list question? CJ1 asked the exact same thing to the court officer YESTERDAY. His answer? “No. You’ll get copies of the exhibits, but that’s it.”

Grateful for: good short term memory.

Who knew that sitting and listening to lawyers talk all day would be so exhausting? I planned to go to the office after court today, but I could barely keep my eyes open, so I walked slowly home instead. The good news is that I’ll have plenty of time to bike home from court, change and bike to rowing when it’s time for that. It would be a major hassle to drag all my rowing gear down to the courthouse and change at the boathouse.

Anyway, it was tiring. Many of us, including members of the legal teams, had a hard time keeping our eyes open. I even had some coffee during the lunch break because I was worried about falling asleep. It didn’t help very much. Does anyone have suggestions about how to stay alert under sitting and listening circumstances?

What probably didn’t help was the heavy dinner and two drinks I had last night (it was a celebration dinner for Pele’s new job). It also didn’t help that somebody called me at 11:30pm. However, I was wide awake so the call merely exacerbated things, it didn’t create the problem. Bedtimes before midnight are probably advised.

I think working on a simple piece of knitting might actually help me concentrate, but I’d feel awfully self-conscious knitting in the courtroom. A little too “Tale of Two Cities.” We are allowed to take notes, but even that, or doodling, wasn’t enough to keep me from struggling to keep my eyes open. I’m pretty sure that once we start to have witnesses it will be easier to stay alert. The Q&A format will be a lot more interesting than the speech-ifying of opening statements.


Grateful for: keeping my eyes open.

I reported to the courthouse, knit for about an hour and was then called to a courtroom. The rest of the day was spent in the jury selection process. I read but did not knit.

And, in the end, I was selected.

The kicker? The trial is supposed to last SIX weeks.

When I left the courthouse at 5pm, I almost got hysterical. I called TR, hoping to catch him at the office, but I had to leave a message. At the end of the message, when I said I was supposed to serve for six weeks, I started laughing. Then I called and left a message for my boss. Luckily, minus the laughing.

It’s outrageous, but I’m actually looking forward to it.

Conveniently, the courthouse is only a 15 minute walk from my office so I’ll be able to stop by before or after court and keep vaguely up to date on things. Of course, considering how slow work is these days, I may not need to go by every day.

Not sure how writing is going to fit in with jury duty; I’ll just have to play that by ear. If I have energy, I can write when I get home. But when rowing starts–in a week!–I’m not sure when I’ll have time to post. This should be interesting.

I’ll tell you all about the case in six weeks. Wish me luck!

Grateful for: my first trial.

Things are looking up. My gloomy mood has lifted and I’m feeling fine. Thanks for all the kind, encouraging comments on the last post. It helped.

Some good news: jury duty selection is scheduled for Monday. Doesn’t mean I’ll serve, but it’s a day off from work, full pay and a chance of being on a jury. I’m excited! My plan is to bring a book and knitting, not the computer, so I may not post for a couple of days.

The date with Jumper on Friday was ok and a little amusing. I also think it was our last. I found myself almost completely uninterested in having a conversation with him. How lame am I? We had some dinner and then went for a drink. At the bar, we stood around and he told me a random story about an old girlfriend. Normally, I would have a story to answer with, but not this time. I smiled, asked questions and laughed where appropriate, but that was it. We found some seats, he had a second beer, I nursed my first, and watched the tourney. I got pretty into the games, which will happen. Jumper tried a variety of conversational gambits, “I think Cake [the band] is really underrated.” “Did you have a good Halloween costume last year?” “Are you a PC person or a Mac person?” There was also a running commentary on the music being played at the bar, which I found particularly inane. I don’t care what your favorite band is (as long as it’s not Dave Matthews–in which case, I REALLY don’t want to know). I was a music snob for a lot of years, and I still sort of am, but I’m not very interested in that conversation anymore. Or maybe I just wasn’t interested in any conversation with Jumper. After the Virginia Tech game (awesome!), he turned to me and said, “Are you ready?” I said yes and we left. Out on the sidewalk, I said, “I’m kind of tired. I think I’m going to head home.”

He said, “Sure, sure. Cool.”

He gave me a hug at the bus stop and that was that. Will I hear from him again? I doubt it. Actually, it would be worse if I did, but I’ll deal with that if it comes to it.

Of course, I did hear from Kansas on Friday. We had rather less than the typical amount of email. He’s managed to get himself tied up in knots about the stupid basketball tournament. Yes, I care. Yes, I’ll be said if the Heels lose. But it don’t stress about it between games, only while actually watching the game. Dude needs to chill. I saw him very briefly on Saturday and I might see him tomorrow to watch the Kansas game, but it’s hardly a date. If I have something I prefer to do, which could include seeing a movie, reading or knitting, I will. But if I want to see Kansas, I’ll do that, and I’m not going to worry about it.

Last good news: Carolina wins again! They had me scared for a while, but they finished strong. Go Heels!


Grateful for: a good mood.