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I just don’t understand

Never, ever, for as long as I live will I understand men. Went to the ball game with Sailor. Had a great time. Talked too much. He offered to pay for his ticket. I refused. Instead he bought me a beer and a hot dog. After, he invited me over to his place for a drink. As soon as we walked in he started straightening up, putting away papers and apologizing for the mess (my freshly cleaned apartment is chaos compared to his place). We had water and I told an impossibly long story about an ancient historical boyfriend. We said goodbye after an hour since we both had other obligations. He said he had a good time and we should do it again.

I’m sure it means he was raised to be polite and asking me over was reciprocation for my invitation to the game. But, dude, you need to give up that girlfriend info. You’re killing me. Clearly, friendship is all that is on offer and that’s swell but, oh, geez, this is not the easiest situation in the world.

He still makes me nervous. What is wrong with me?

I’m quite glad to be heading out of town tomorrow. It will be a great trip.

Grateful for: plans.


Original Article syndicated via RSS from Grateful Dating

Farce

I don’t think I’ve mentioned kickball for a while. As you may recall, I hate kickball. Yet, I’ve joined a team for the late summer. I’ll miss the first two games due to the Israel trip but oh well.

The main reason I’m on a kickball team is that I mentioned kickball to work friend, Nina, in passing and she got very excited. I told her if she wanted to do it, I’d do it with her.

The other reason is that Nina mentioned kickball to Sailor and he was also interested.

I also mentioned it to my new officemate, Pete, who was on a kickball team. He invited us to join the new team his housemate is organizing.

We all signed up. So far, so good.

Pete’s housemate sent an email suggesting a pre-season happy hour for last night. I wasn’t sure if I’d make it, since I’m trying to get things done around the house. Nina emailed yesterday and told me she was going. In fact, Sailor had emailed her about going. He asked her, she asked me, and we all went.

Farce!

More farcical is that when we got to the happy hour location, it wasn’t there. Closed, apparently. I called Pete, who was meeting us later, and let him know. We met Pete as we were walking to another bar and the four of us went for a drink and some dinner.

Again, so far, so good. I’m a little leery of Sailor by now because he didn’t follow up on the baseball game (he’s going, but I had to confirm). He may be fine with being friends, but that’s it. I’m slightly mystified because we get along extremely well.

We found ourselves at a very crowded downtown place. It was tough to talk in more than pairs, so while we stood at the bar waiting for drinks, I talked to Sailor and Nina talked to Pete. Later, when we sat down to eat, I talked to Pete and Nina talked to Sailor.

And, during the time I was talking to Pete, I overheard a snippet of conversation between Nina and Sailor. Nina said, “Oh, so how often do you go?”

“Probably we see each other every two weeks or so.”

“What does she do?”

“She’s in [inaudible] practice up there…”

I couldn’t join their conversation and I had to go back to paying attention to Pete but I finally figured out what the problem with Sailor is: he has a girlfriend in NY. Story of my life! No, really, it is. Tom, my grad school boyfriend, had a girlfriend in NY. A guy I made out with in Ann Arbor had a girlfriend in NY. Well, that’s all I can think of, but still! It’s a horrible, horrible pattern.

Ok, maybe not a horrible pattern, but certainly a good explanation. And while he’s still lame for not getting back to me about the baseball game and not managing to let me know he had a girlfriend (super lame!), this knowledge leaves me feeling relieved. I’ve decided he didn’t tell me because he wants to be friends but things got terribly awkward and he didn’t want to lead me on because he sort of likes me too…or something like that.

It crossed my mind to subtly give him a hard time about it—but I won’t. Not just because I can’t figure out something clever, but because I don’t want to be mean.

It’s frustrating that he’s not available, though, because we are entirely on the same wavelength and that’s rare. Also, he’s incredibly smart. Way smarter than average. He is quick and sharp and doesn’t miss anything. His interactions with Pete made this very clear. Pete is plenty smart but extremely earnest. Subtle humor is lost on him.

For example, Nina asked Pete, “So why did you want to work for [our federal agency]?”

“I just loved the mission statement!”

Sailor said, “Really? What did you like about it? I wrote it.”

Pete gives Sailor a blank look but keeps smiling. “I can’t remember, but I loved it!”

I said to Sailor, “Oh, c’mon, you haven’t been working at [our agency] that long either!”

He said, “Oh, I wrote it before I started working there.”

All I’m saying is that we would make a great comedy team.

When Pete stepped away, I said to Sailor, “You can’t do that deadpan humor with Pete, he doesn’t get it.”

“I noticed! Did you see the look on his face when I made that joke about the mission statement? I’m trying to hold back.”

He even has self-awareness! Awesome. Too bad he’s lame and coupled.

And, as usual, we’re moving on…

Grateful for: knowledge.


Original Article syndicated via RSS from Grateful Dating

Lovely

Let’s talk about happy things, shall we? My weekend was lovely. I didn’t exactly have a plan, but I worked up a pretty good one. The fun started on Friday. I met a friend for drinks/dinner at a bar kinda in my neighborhood. This is a new friend and she was gracious enough to 1) pick me up at work 2) drive us to the bar and 3) drop me home at the end of the evening. Now that’s a good friend! A friendly bartender who works at this bar who I sort of know–at least to say hello to–we’ve been introduced at least once and I know his name, but I assume he doesn’t know mine. (He figures in the story later.)



On Saturday, I put a few things were on the agenda: movies, coffee shop, reading, and a bike ride. I took a while making my plan. I sort of need a plan to move forward. The plan can be modified but I need it as a starting point. The first element in the plan was a movie. I wanted to see Paris Je T’aime and it was only playing at two theaters. I decided I’d bike there, but stop for coffee first. The plan came together: bike to the new coffee shop, from there to Dupont. Take the metro from Dupont to Bethesda and see the 1:45 show. Have ice cream after. Bike home via the Capital Crescent Trail. It’s a long ride (for me), but all down hill except for the last few miles from Georgetown to my house. The metro leg of the ride gave me more coffee shop time and ensured I’d have enough energy to actually enjoy the movie, not to mention not stinking up the place.



I didn’t bring my computer and instead read a book (shocking! it’s all blogs and magazines these days) for about half an hour. On the ride to Dupont, I stopped by my favorite upscale, hipster home-goods store, Home Rule, on 14th Street and picked up a couple of less expensive items (mini-cutting board, paring knife and present for Mom). I don’t bike over there very often but it is close and easy. Maybe I’ll start riding to the U Street vicinity more often.



I got on the metro and found myself in the company of two other cyclists. We didn’t talk much but it was nice not being the only one. When I got off the train, the conductor called out to me, “I like your bike! What kind is it?” I told him and he said, “I like the seat and the handlebars–and the fenders! It’s got a real classic look.” I thanked him and said those were all things I’d added to the bike. I patted the saddle and said, “That’s a real Brooks leather saddle.” (Just the other day a cab driver called out to me, “Nice bike!” First time I’ve ever gotten a kind word from a cabbie while riding.)



I got to the theater just at show time, which was perfect. I liked the movie, which is a bunch of vignettes by different directors. Some were stinkers and others were quite good. Mostly, I enjoyed seeing all the Paris scenery. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d like to live in a garret in Paris and write. I mused on how much money it would take to live there for a year. Sure, not speaking a word of French might be a problem, but I could learn. It’s not the first time I’ve had this fantasy and it’s not so fantastic that I couldn’t do it–sell the condo, take a leave of absence from work, go to Paris–it’s imaginable. But why Paris? I have no idea. I asked myself–why not London or Barcelona? As much as I love both of those places, it’s Paris that makes my
fantasy sing. Maybe it’s because of all those great ex-pat Americans who wrote there: Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Dos Passos. Maybe part of the charm of such a fantasy is not completely understanding it. I have been to Paris twice and it’s a beautiful place. Also, the best pain au chocolate in the world may be found there.



After the movie, I had some ice cream, per the plan. I sat on a bench and found myself in casual conversation with an older (than me) couple. Deciding I’d sufficiently digested the ice cream, I started the ride home. It was easy going, mostly downhill and shaded on the trail. When I hit Georgetown, there was more up and down and more sun, but I still enjoyed the ride. As I got closer to home, and hotter, I thought it would be a good idea to stop for a beer. It was around 5:30pm and I stopped at one of the bars on Penn SE, in my old neighborhood. I ordered a beer and watched some baseball while I drank it.



It turned out, the friendly bartender from Friday was at the bar and he came up and said hello. I said, “I don’t know if I’m following you or you’re following me.” He laughed and asked if we’d stayed out late on Friday. I said, “If you count 10 o’clock as late!” We chatted a little before and he went back to sit with his friends at the corner of the bar. I continued drinking my beer slowly and pulled out my book.



About half an hour later, the working bartender said, “[Friendly bartender] bought you the next beer. Do you want it now or do you want to wait until you finish that one?”



I was only about halfway through my current beer so I told him I’d wait. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but it was very nice. I drank up and then told the bartender I was ready. A few sips into my new beer, I wondered if it was ok to go sit with the Friendly Bartender (FB). I thought, “He bought me a beer, so it’s probably ok.” Feeling slightly tipsy, I went and sat with FB and his friends, who were also friendly (and a little drunk, loud and obnoxious). I thanked FB and he didn’t blink at my arrival. The other guy in the group bought us all shots (of some decent whiskey) and I drank one. This was way more than I’d planned to drink on Saturday. The plan was one drink, then home to do some housework. But, see, I’m flexible! And if I have to stay out drinking with friendly men (and one woman), I will.



FB left, unceremoniously, about 8pm. He gave me a kiss on the cheek when he said goodbye. I hung out with his friends for another 15 or 20 minutes before riding slowly home. I made myself a sandwich, watched a dvd and then went to bed. No housework for me. Altogether, it was a pretty fantastic Saturday. (If you’re keeping track, I rode about 16 miles total.)



Sunday, well, it was more pedestrian, but it included more avoidance of housework and the completion of the tremendously long final post about jury duty. Oh, and a last minute blind date. Yeah, I could write more about that. The guy was nice and completely inappropriate for me. (Not an asshole, just too much craziness in his life.) He wants to see me again. All I did with that was buy myself some trouble I didn’t need. I confirmed, however, that I am awesome and anyone who doesn’t see it (I mean you, Sailor), isn’t worth my time.

Grateful for: my plans.


Original Article syndicated via RSS from Grateful Dating

Got it

I so wanted to write yesterday about my fairly awesome weekend. Instead, I was overwhelmed by the whole never ending passport ordeal (which has now ended). I called first thing Monday morning–6:47 am to be exact. I was a bad citizen and could not hide my exasperation from the people to whom I spoke. No answers were forthcoming, no reassurances, no estimated time of arrival. More new and contradictory information was conveyed. I became agitated–I actually shook in frustration and cried (after I got off the phone). As calm as I have been about my romantic life, I’m that anxiety-ridden in this situation.

I had to get to work by nine so I could have my picture taken for the new IDs we’re getting eventually. I could not bring myself to smile, I just looked dolefully at the camera. I swear, it’s going to look like a mugshot. And not a glamorous one either.

I was going to wait until Wednesday to call Congresswoman Norton’s office again, as I’d been previously instructed. Given how upset I was and how ill that boded for a productive day at work, I went ahead and called on Monday around noon. The staffer I spoke to listened patiently to my story and said, “Oh no, that won’t do. I’m printing you a letter right now. You can come get it and go to the passport office tomorrow. Or…if you can come now, they’re open until 4pm, and you can go today.”



About a half hour after we spoke, I rode my bike to the National Press Building, where the district office is. I was handed a letter printed on congressional letterhead requesting that, “…my constituent be given all permissible assistance in the expedited issuance of a passport.”



I rode my bike directly to the passport office on 19th St NW. I mistakenly stood in the line snaking outside the building for about half an hour. When I got near the door, I showed a guard the letter and he told me to use a different entrance and go to the second floor. Hey, who doesn’t enjoy killing a little time standing in line?



Up on the second floor, I waited in an uncrowded room with a couple of guys who’d come from North Carolina just for the day to get passports issued. I felt privileged compared to them.


After sitting for about 45 minutes, I got a chance to talk to someone. I showed him the letter and was asked if I had all my documents so they could issue me a new passport. I was confused since I thought the letter just bought me expedited service to that office. I’d actually spent Sunday night rummaging around the house for my birth certificate and old (first) passport (the other one, the one I sent in for renewal, is somewhere in New Hampshire). Both items were sitting on the dining room table at home. A newly-filled out passport form was sitting at my desk at work, along with my proof of travel. That’s how flustered I was–I didn’t bring anything I needed.



The guy asked for all those things–my proof of citizenship, proof of travel dates, and a completed form. He told me, “Get that orange form and fill it out here at the counter while I help these other people.” I did as he instructed.



When I finished he said, “You can come back in the morning or we can start processing this today.”



I said, “I don’t know. You tell me which will be faster.” He looked blankly at me. I said, “Let’s start today.”



He said, “I need some pictures.” I ran downstairs and randomly picked one of the three passport photo places in the same block as the office. I paid $15 for two pictures. For the second time that day I had mugshot-quality photos taken–these have a peculiar “deer in the headlights” quality about them. I’m not smiling and my eyes are so wide open you can see white clear around the irises.



Back upstairs, I handed the guy the photos. I filled in part of the form I’d missed. The guy found my information on the computer and filled in the proof of citizenship. He said, “All you need to do is fax a copy of your tickets or itinerary. If you can’t fax it, you can bring it in tomorrow when you pick up the passport. We’re issuing you a one-year passport. When you receive the full book [I think that’s what he called it], mail this one back to us. You can come in tomorrow at 12:30 or later.”



“Thank you so much.”



I left not quite believing it was true. I decided to go back today at 3:30pm and I did exactly that. I went directly to the second floor, I stood in a short line for about five minutes and when I reached the counter, a woman handed me my passport. I verified the information in the passport was correct, signed my name and was on my way. I still didn’t quite believe it.



And then a funny thing happened–I started to feel guilty. All those people standing in line in the hot sun in front of the building waiting for their appointments–I’d skipped in front of all of them. Why was my need so much greater than theirs? I expressed this feeling to TR when I returned to the the office. He shook his head and reminded me that I’d tried to make an appointment–that I’d pretty much tried everything I could–and was it my fault if I was smart enough to call the Congresswoman? I said, “There’s really no accounting for how I’ll feel.” TR agreed.



I would like to point out, though, that I wasn’t smart enough to know to call the Congresswoman. It was kind commenter, Laura, who mentioned it. Perhaps Pele did too. So, thanks to both of you for steering me in the right direction. Now I don’t have to feel anxious until I get to the airport and start worrying about flying.



(Note: the passport has my picture on a page, not inside the front cover. The visa pages are covered with distracting drawings and (inspirational?) quotes. For example, “Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair.” George Washington. That’s the best one they could pick? The old passport had no quotes and no fancy drawings.)

Grateful for: my passport.


Original Article syndicated via RSS from Grateful Dating

Caution

Luckily, you have another chance to see one of Shawn’s plays. I’ve seen two now, both excellent—funny, dark, unusual. Here’s a synopsis of the upcoming show:

Cautionary Tales for Adults and the Many Adventures of Trixie Tickles
Two mini-musicals with songs ranging from smoky cabaret to frothy pop. First, an unhinged librarian teaches several unsuspecting adults about the injustices of life. Next, a high-strung children’s TV star learns valuable lessons of her own like, “being pretty is all that matters”. Deliciously inappropriate and filled with guilty pleasures.

Showtimes:
Friday, July 20 @ 10:00pm
Saturday, July 21 @ 4:30pm
Sunday, July 22 @ 9:30pm
Monday, July 23 @ 7:00pm
Saturday, July 28 @ midnight

Go, be happy. (Don’t be unhappy like me who still doesn’t have her passport. Poor, poor me!) I’m going to the Friday show.

Buy your tickets online or visit the Fringe box office.

Go, you won’t regret it.

Grateful for: something to look forward to.

PS Scroll down for a super long post about jury duty dated 7/14. Also, I’ll probably have something up later today about my weekend, but it’ll be dated 7/15. So, you know, keep scrolling down.


Original Article syndicated via RSS from Grateful Dating

Jury Duty: the end of the story

For months now, I’ve intended to write one last piece about jury duty. You know, there are a lot of things I intend to do writing-wise that never happen. Those promises you make to yourself are the hardest to keep.

Yesterday, I got a letter from the judge formally thanking me for my service. An excerpt:

I would like to express my formal appreciation to you for your service to our court in this case. You have contributed to the fair and impartial administration of justice…. I know that jury duty imposes at least some sacrifice for each person whose routine schedule is disrupted. In this case, you had to put your normal life on hold for an unusually long period of time.

Nice, right? There was more, but I’ll spare you. It was clearly a form letter but a good one as such things go. My favorite bit, though, was the handwritten note at the bottom of the page. It was in the same hand as the signature, so maybe the judge actually wrote it, “Thanks for your special service as foreperson!” Right on!

I’m going to finally keep that promise to myself, and you, and write the last post about the case.

You may want to skim my first post on the topic, then come back for the end of the story.

The main issue in the case was whether there was a conspiracy to rig three separate bids for contract work in a far away country. The main fact germane to the conspiracy was whether the competitors met prior to submitting bids. Other relevant issues were whether, prior to the bid, the men (all men) who developed the bid estimates were influenced to inflate the bids. Post-bid issues were whether profits were hidden and how the payoffs were made–via phony invoices.

The defense spent a lot of time explaining how the actual work of the contracts was done. They showed us pictures of big and small holes in the ground. Sewer pipes, construction workers, open sewer, pipe jacking machines, tunnel boring machines, dewatering, etc., etc., etc. All of that, while interesting, had almost zero relevance to the case. No one argued that the job wasn’t done. In fact, all agreed that the job was done well. The issue was, did the government pay too much for the job? Did they conspire to rig the bid and artificially raise the price of the contract by creating a non-competitive atmosphere? The defense tried to argue that they discovered innovative technology that drastically lowered the cost of the job and, thus, huge profits were earned properly.

A summary of the three contracts:

  1. Contract 20A was the big money contract and it had three bids. The allegation was that the “Smith group” (the defendants) offered to pay one competitor, a Greek firm, not to bid. They met with the second competitor, a German firm, and offered to pay them to bid high. That allowed the Smith Group to bid higher than they would have otherwise.
  2. In the second contract, the allegation is that Smith received a “loser’s fee” from the winning firm. Smith & Co. asked the other firm to bid high, but they refused. They did agree to a loser’s fee. In this case, the Smith Group did not win the bid, but they did get the fee.
  3. In the third case, the Smith Group paid one competitor not to bid, but a third firm submitted a bid and was not involved in the conspiracy. However, Smith won the contract and subsequently paid off the firm that withdrew from the bidding.

To complicate things, in all of these contracts there was some post-bid negotiation. With construction contracts, the “owner,” (the person, company, government that is buying the job), pays for an “engineer’s estimate of construction costs.” This estimate is not disclosed to the bidding firms, but the specs are. When the bids come in, they are expected to be within 10-25% of the engineer’s estimate. The bidding firms employ estimators who help develop their bids and several people work up the bid. However, is it is the upper management who gives the final okay on the bid. When the engineers’ estimate is much higher or lower than the bids, the government can go into “competitive negotiations.” In fact, they must either do that or re-advertise the job. There was a long complicated history of Contract 20A that put some time-pressure to award the, so, rather than re-advertise, the US government decided to go into competitive negotiations.

When we went back to the jury room, we got a copy of the judge’s instructions, a list of fourteen questions (with sub-questions), and several boxes of evidence.

We first addressed the questions that just asked, “Did they do it?” We said “yes” to every single one. We agreed they did it. The question was then, how much money should we award?

We fairly easily decided on the two relatively minor contracts. We awarded the amount of the loser’s fee, about a million dollars for the second contract. Honestly, I can’t remember how we decided for the third contract, but I know we gave an award. The reason I can’t remember is that we spent most of our time arguing about Contract 20A.

The range of reasonable damages for 20A was $25 to $45 million. Eight out of ten of us were inclined towards the high end. The damages represented the difference between what the government paid and what the government would have paid in the absence of a conspiracy.

It would appear that at least one juror, who I started calling the “hold out lady” didn’t actually agree that they did it. She didn’t want to award anything under 20A. She quickly move up to about $4.5 million, which was just the amount that the Smith Group paid to the two other firms involved in the conspiracy.

That was not acceptable to anyone, including the other “Jamy,” who was inclined to award in the low end of the damages range. She agreed there was a conspiracy, but wasn’t as certain as the rest of us and didn’t think the evidence of the bid inflation was strong. Her starting point for calculating the damages was higher–she thought the original bid was inflated, but not by as much as the rest of us thought–so her ideal award was lower. But it was still in the tens of millions of dollars range.

Most of the time was spent in our last two days of deliberations “working” on the hold out lady and getting her to raise the amount she was willing to award. By the last day, she was at $25 million and the rest of us were at $30 million. Thirty was a bitter pill for seven of the jurors and they would not budge. The other Jamy didn’t care. I was willing to go to 25, because I thought it still sent a strong symbolic message. Ideally, I would have awarded closer to $35 million.

So, why didn’t the hold out lady buy that there was a conspiracy?

On Contract 20A, there were six pre-qualified bidders, three of whom announced their intention to bid. According to testimony, the potential low-bidder, a Greek company, was unable to bid because they could not get bonding. You can’t bid without a bond, because without a bond, you can’t do the job. (A bond is like an insurance policy. The bond must be at least equal to the bid.)

The other company, according to testimony, did not want the job. They were overextended and having problems with similar jobs in the same region. They intended to bid high. They wanted to bid as a “good faith” gesture, so they would be included in future competitions, but they didn’t actually want to win.

These two facts seem to indicate that there was already a noncompetitive atmosphere for Contract 20A.

That would be true if the third company, the Smith Group, knew the intentions of the other two contractors. But they didn’t. They paid for the information. The testimony was that neither of the two other bidders disclosed their intentions to the Smith Group. They happily agreed to take money for things they would have done anyway. What matters, though, is that by offering payments, they engaged in a conspiracy. If the Smith Group hadn’t held those conspiratorial meetings, they would have believed that they had two competitors and their bidding strategy would have changed. They almost certainly would have bid lower.

The hold-out lady would say, “The Greek firm wasn’t going to bid anyway, and two firms isn’t much competition, so how could there be a conspiracy?”

She would also say, “After the bid, they negotiated with the government and lowered the price, so the chain of causation was broken.”

That made me crazy because it was exactly the (specious) argument that one of the defense attorneys made. It was the most extraordinary closing statement–tv-worthy, even. He spoke without notes, he paced in front of the jury box and made eye contact with us, he quoted Shakespeare, and he used props. When he got to the part of his speech where he said, “the chain of causation was broken” he pulled a chain out of his coat pocket! It was fantastic. Remember all those problems I had staying away during the trial? He kept me on the edge of my seat.

Yet his arguments were not convincing. In fact, he completely misrepresented some of the expert witness testimony. I thought, “He’s out and out lying to us, and, yet…I don’t hate him.” The most remarkable thing about this attorney is that he remained completely likeable while telling lies. Apparently, that is what makes a good litigator. And while I think I could construct excellent arguments and talk like crazy, I wouldn’t be able to stomach all the lying.

The hold-out lady’s attitude caused some strange behavior on the part of the other jurors. Remember CJ, the confused juror? She was the most upset by the hold-out lady’s position. Other jurors got into heated discussion with her but no one, except CJ, made personal attacks. Even CJ stopped at calling her “stubborn,” which was certainly true.

After the first full day spent discussing Contract 20A, we were exhausted. The next day, before we got to it again, CJ asked for the floor. She pulled out a few loose pages from her bag and started to read. She’d spent the night before preparing an impassioned statement and connected our case to our part in ending world poverty. Oh, how I wish I were kidding. Unfortunately, CJ’s speech only made the hold-out lady more firm in her convictions.

We spent another day hammering out the issues and didn’t get to the end. I thought I’d negotiated a compromise with hold-out over lunch. I told her I thought I could get the group to go to 30 if she could meet us there. She indicated she would. But she didn’t.

We left for a three-day weekend and I spent some time reading up on conflict resolution. When we got back on Monday, as soon as we got started, the hold-out lady announced that she could live with $29.7 million. And that was that. We reviewed the questions one last time. I signed the official copy and sent a note to the judge saying we were done.

We were taken to the courtroom a couple of hours later. I stood up and said, “yes” when the judge asked if we’d reached a unanimous verdict. I sat back down and the court officer read the full verdict. During that time, it all became real in a way it hadn’t back in the jury room.

We were taken back to the jury room and the judge came in to “debrief” us. He explained that all the co-conspirators had settled and that the Smith Group would almost certainly appeal. He also told us that our award would be tripled. Heh, you should have seen the hold-out lady’s face when he said that! The rest of us were delighted. Afterwards, the judge gave us a tour of his new chambers. Very cool.

Back in the jury room, lunch was waiting for us. During deliberations, we weren’t allowed to leave the building and lunch was brought in for us. Most of us sat down to eat a sandwich. The hold-out lady took off in a flash, barely pausing to say goodbye. The other Jamy changed her shoes and left. I sat with a few others and had half a sandwich.

The best part of jury duty was getting a chance to meet the other jurors. I loved being the foreperson, though it was exhausting. It gave me a lot of confidence in my leadership abilities, but I wasn’t in it alone. The other jurors were interesting, friendly, quirky and supportive. Most of them were people I never would have met otherwise. It was great experience, on every level.

Grateful for: jury duty.


Original Article syndicated via RSS from Grateful Dating

Ahem

Dear readers, you may be wondering where the dating has gone in this here dating blog. It’s not one of those very rare (and usually) brief moments where I’m keeping my dating activities to myself. There are simply no dating activities to report.

The last discussion on this topic was about “Sailor,” the work fella I have an enormous crush on. Nothing has changed. I still have a crush but we’re no more or less friends than before our one and only, apparently nonromantic, date.

However, I’m going to spend a little time talking about Sailor and his significance in my romantic life. Before he came on the scene, which was right after the phase out of Kansas, and during the time of my few dates with Kenny (mostly not written about), I was feeling dull and flat romantically. That wasn’t a bad thing. I wasn’t feeling lonely or desperate. I was flattered by Kenny’s attentions and proud of myself for ending things so cleanly with Kansas. I was feeling good about not feeling anything much.

I’m feeling that way again and it’s odd. I’m so used to obsessing given the slightest provocation or opportunity. When I wrote my blue post about Sailor, I’d say I was obsessing about him, slightly. But I as I predicted, the blues were gone in about two days. And what did I do about Sailor? Not nothing, but close. I invited him to see Shawn’s play. Sailor declined politely. He didn’t invite me to anything else and I didn’t invite him to anything else—until yesterday.

I went two weeks with no contact with Sailor. No contact and no obsessing about someone on whom I possibly have the biggest crush of my life. It’s just…not like me.

I’ll get back to the contact we had yesterday in a minute, but I want to tell a little story about me and obsessing first.

I wondered recently if I wait to obsess until after the first physical contact. Not surprisingly, the answer is “no.” I can obsess immediately after the first good evening with someone. I did just that a few years ago about my then-future boyfriend, “Jeff.”

I met Jeff about five years ago when I went to a play with Pele and a bunch of her friends. Actually, most of the people there were friends of a friend of Pele’s, meaning lots of strangers. One of those strangers was Jeff. As soon as the play was over, we gravitated towards each other and spent the rest of the evening occupied in lively conversation. We exchanged numbers long before the end of the night. I was very happy and sure that I’d be hearing from Jeff soon.

But I didn’t hear from him soon. I waited and waited for him to call. He didn’t call. I obsessed. The decision whether or not to call him was a major distraction from everything else in my life, including work and a weekend trip to New York. Eventually, I called him and left a message. He returned my call (a couple of days later!) and we made a date. Not long after that we were a couple. The relationship lasted three or four months. Jeff is a super sweet guy and I don’t regret dating him, but I think I made the relationship happen through force of will. Not that Jeff didn’t like me. No, the problem was more that I didn’t like Jeff–enough. But because I’m always looking for a boyfriend, always wanting a boyfriend, always hoping for a boyfriend, I got myself a boyfriend. Or something like that. (Caveat: I’m not at all sure what story Jeff would tell. I sincerely liked him and would have been happy to maintain a friendship, after a few months break, but he wasn’t interested.)

Clearly, I obsessed over Tim and Owen. Not so much over Kansas, though. I didn’t count that as progress, though, since the whole thing was so misguided. Perhaps I didn’t give myself enough credit.

Ok, back to Sailor. At work, we recently got a bunch of new software, including MS Outlook (we had Lotus Notes before) and MS Office Communicator, which is an intranet instant messaging client. Previously, we had no instant messaging capacity at all, and we still can’t use internet IM clients.

I’ve had access to the IM thingy for weeks and weeks, but not everyone else did. I’ve only used it so far to chat with one person and not about work. Now, when you add someone as a “contact” the program sends a message to that person. Earlier this week, I got just such a message from Sailor. I was pleased. While it would be fun to speculate on all the reasons he might have added me (true love, perhaps?), the main message is that he regards me as a friend.

However, he never did send me a message. More surprisingly, perhaps, I never sent him a message either. Don’t think I wasn’t tempted. But there was no particular message to send and I figured he’d get in touch with me if he felt like it. He didn’t, and I didn’t either, so no contact.

The next part of the story you’ve heard before—each year I get four pairs of Nationals tickets through a season ticket sharing plan at work. Each year, I have trouble using all four pairs and/or finding companions to the games. My last pair of tickets for this year is the day before I leave for Israel. Ideally, I’d sell the tickets. My second choice was to have Pele come with me to the game if I couldn’t sell them. But Pele can’t back me up because she may be out of town that day.

I occurred to me that I could ask Sailor to the game. He likes baseball and we’d talked about going to a game sometime. Or at least I’d suggested it and he seemed receptive. Yesterday afternoon, I finally decided I’d see if he wanted to go. If he did, I’d stop trying to sell the tickets. It’s only inconvenient for me to go because, ideally, I’d keep the day before I leave free. However, my flight isn’t until 6pm, so it’s not really a problem.

I thought I’d invite Sailor over the IM thingy. But, by the time I’d worked up the nerve to contact him, he was gone. Not just “away” but “offline.” Oh well.

When I left work at 7pm and started to walk home. I thought, “I’ll just call him. I have his cell number, so why the hell not?” The idea of calling made me nervous, though. I told myself, “You don’t have to call him, you don’t have to do anything. But I want to call him. What harm will it do? Worst case, he can’t go. That’s it.”

I called him. He didn’t answer and I didn’t leave a message. I continued my walk and put in me headphones to listen to the ipod. Then a curious thing happened, my phone rang. It was Sailor. He said, “Hi, Jamy? Sorry, I was on the other line when you called.”

“Oh, no problem.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing.” And I proceeded to chit-chat about a variety of things unrelated to the baseball game. I felt a little crazy as I did it but he was amiable and the conversation was pleasant. Eventually, though, I got to the point and I asked him if he was free to go to the game. His answer was an enthusiastic “Yes!” I even over-explained about wanting to sell the tickets and how hard it is to find people to go to games and how Pele would go but she’s often out of town and how funny is it that on Monday we have tickets to the SAME game and can’t even back each other up. Uh, yeah, it was almost that bad.

But I caught myself getting a little out of control on the nervous talking and ending the conversation soon afterwards—the total time was about 20 minutes. He said there is a slight chance he’ll be out of town, but he’ll let me know for sure next week. He said he probably wasn’t going to be out of town two or three times—maybe he really wants to go to the game?

It would appear I have another date (“date”?) with Sailor. I don’t quite know what to make of it…and, well, I haven’t tried to make anything of it, at least not yet. I’ve been working like crazy trying to rewrite that awful (awful!) report and this business with Sailor and our future plans and his constant IM presence hasn’t distracted me at all. I don’t get it. Am I really as mature as I seem? Am I dead inside? Or is this what “normal” people feel when they like someone but have almost no information to go on—do they just calmly wait and see? Well, normal or not, my behavior indicates calm wait and see-ness.

It’s really not like me. What a relief.

Grateful for: the calm.


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Love or hate?

Today, Mom sent me this pic of her dog and cat:


She wrote, “Who would believe it?”

I responded, “love or hate? Or both?”

Mom replied, “Both.”

That’s life, isn’t it?

Grateful for: both.


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Triumph!

Each minor triumph is countered by a moderate disaster.

My minor triumph is that on Tuesday I finally finished reading that damn report. I’ve only been working on it for, oh, almost a month. And, um, yeah, there’s actually 20 pages left to read, but I decided that could wait. I needed to get to actual editing. The 20 remaining pages are the least important part of the report and will be relegated to an appendix, so are not a high priority.

I got started revising the Executive Summary, the most important part of any report we publish. It’s the only thing 90% of people read. What a mess! I’m writing whole new paragraphs as I go. I have to rip down the rotten structure they built and start from scratch. The information in the report is good but the organization is a disaster.

Still and all, I’m feeling good about it. I know the material well (I should by now!) and I think I can get it organized. It’s hard work but much more satisfying that I can see it coming together on the page. I was in the office until 7:30 tonight working on the damn thing. Crazy.

The current disaster isn’t related to work, it’s related to my passport. Way back in April, during my first week of jury duty, I sent my passport to be renewed by mail. I knew that I’d be traveling to Israel sometime this year, though I wasn’t sure when. My passport was due to expire in August and I thought I’d get it back in plenty of time for the next trip.

Heh. As you may have heard, there is a huge backlog in the passport office because of new travel regulations that require passports for travel to Canada, Mexico and the Caribbean. My poor little passport is caught up in all that mess.

I still wasn’t worried. I don’t leave for Israel until July 22, which is much more than 12 weeks from when I sent my application. No problem, right?

I checked the website a few times–my request was in the system, but that’s all I knew. On July 5, slightly more than two weeks before my departure date, I called. The office is open until midnight, I called around 10pm, was on hold for 30 minutes, and was told my passport was scheduled to arrive on the 17th or 18th. He said, “That is cutting it a little close, isn’t it? We’ll send it express mail but call back on Sunday and we’ll get it set up.”

I called back on Monday (I forgot on Sunday). This time I was on hold for 30 minutes but it took me 30 minutes to even get a chance to be on hold.

I gave my name, social, my travel dates. I was told, “We’ll request expedited service.” I asked, “Can you tell me about when I should expect it to arrive?”

“We can’t give out that information?”

“I’m sorry? The last time I called, the guy said it was scheduled to arrive on the 17th or 18th.”

“We aren’t allowed to give out that information. We don’t have access to it. We’re just the call center. I’ve submitted a request for expedited service.”

“Wait, so, you can’t tell me when it’s going to arrive? What am I supposed to do if it doesn’t come in time?”

“All I can do is put the request in. We can’t guarantee delivery.”

I lost it at this point. “What am I supposed to do?? That’s not enough information. Let me speak to your supervisor.” The supervisor came on and was no help at all.

He said, “Well, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe you should make an appointment.”

I said, “This is totally screwed up.” I hung up in frustration. It was after midnight.

I called back the next morning at 6:40 am and got through in about five minutes. I asked, “I was supposed to be put in the expedited queue and I want to make sure that happened.”

The lady said, “Yes, you called late last night? You are in there with the expedited request.”

“Great. So, um, what do I do if I don’t get it in time?”

“If you don’t get it by the 20th, you can make a request for same day issuance.”

“By the 20th! You do have faith.”

To sum up: three calls, three different stories.

1) It’s coming next week, but we’ll speed it up so you’ll be sure to get it in plenty of time.
2) We’ll speed it up, but can’t say if it will get there in time. No guarantees.
3) If it doesn’t come in time, you can get it in one day.

What is the truth? What am I to think? Is it even imaginable that all that money I spent on the plane ticket is going to waste?

No, that’s not imaginable. The current plan: call first thing in the morning and make an appointment for next week. If the passport doesn’t arrive before the appointment, keep the appointment and get my goddamn passport in person. What a huge frickin’ pain in the ass. I sort of feel like I’m being punished for sending my renewal request in early!

Still, while I’m getting more anxious about the passport, I’m sure it will work out. And the report will get done. When either of these will happen, though, is anyone’s guess.

UPdate: 7/12/07
I called the passport people again this morning at 6am and spent and HOUR in the automated appointment system. Um, sorry, no appointments are available until July 26! That doesn’t work. I called the main line and was immediately connected to someone. I gave him all my information, was told they sent an email on July 10 but that my passport was still in Rhode Island (or was it New Hampshire?) for processing. He said, “If you don’t get it by the 18th, give us another call and we can send another expedite request.”

I said, “On the 18th? Would I get my passport in time then?”

“We’re doing the best we can?”

“I really need my passport. What else can I do?”

“We can only send two emails.”

I got angry again and hung up. I took a deep breath and called back. I spoke to a woman this time. I said, “I have a question. I’m traveling on the 22nd. If I don’t get my passport in time, can you do a same-day issuance?”

“Yes, but you have to make the appointment three days ahead.” More new information!

I said, “Ok, so if I don’t have it by the 18th, I call this line and make the appointment?”

“That’s correct.”

Finally, I spoke the magic words, “Thank you.”

Grateful for: patience.


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A coffee tale

On Saturday, I decided to visit the Big Bear Cafe a new, and new to me, coffee shop.

I hopped on my bike around 9:40am and I was there in about ten minutes. It’s about a mile and a half from my place in the opposite direction of my favorite coffee place. (For those of you keeping track, this means I biked about 12 miles on Saturday: to and from the coffee shop, 3 miles; 8 miles to Pele’s, which should have been less, but I took a few wrong turns; and 1 mile home from the Eastern Market metro. I haven’t included the distance from Pele’s to the Clarendon Metro, which is half a mile or less. And, yes, I’m a very slow cyclist–but I stop at stop signs (usually) and signals (always).) It seems that I prefer coffee shops about a mile from home rather than half a block away–but it’s mostly the better coffee that draws me.

The place was great–a good set up, enough space so that it won’t be overcrowded (I hope) a counter that you can sit at comfortably, a few tables, a sofa and some easy chairs.

Dad called on Sunday night and I told him this story about my coffee shop experience.

“After I ordered my cappuccino, the guy behind me, he got to the counter and he said, ‘I’d like a cappuccino…in a bowl.”

Dad said, “In a bowl?”

“Yeah, I dunno. You know how sometimes they serve coffee in a bowl in Europe? In France?”

“Um, I guess…wait, isn’t that a café au lait?”

“Oh, yeah, you’re right. Well, anyway, this guy wanted a cappuccino in a bowl. And the lady behind the counter was like, ‘That big cup is for lattes. We make the cappuccinos in the smaller mugs.’ They didn’t have sizes for the coffee. It was just ‘cappuccino,’ ‘latte,’ and I don’t remember what else, but just one price for each drink and no sizes!

“But the guy was like, ‘I want it in a bowl, I want a big cappuccino.’

“The lady said, ‘It won’t really work in that size…there won’t be enough.’”

That got a big laugh from Dad.

“And I’m thinking, ‘It’ll work if you put more in there!’”

Another laugh. Dad said, “I guess he knew what he wanted!”

“Finally, the lady said, ‘We can make two cappuccinos and put them in one cup.’ And that’s what they did–and they charged him for two!”

“Good for her! And everyone was happy.”

“Yeah, he didn’t seem to mind paying $5 for his cappuccino. My regular sized cap was really good, so I’ll definitely go back.”

The coffee was great but the story might have been better.

Grateful for: Dad.


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